Take a class that youve always wanted to delve into. He had told me, throughout our marriage and the last month, that he wasn't changing. Copyright A Conscious Rethink. To this day, all their conflicts around Meenus complaint, My husband always supports his mother. No matter how much she resents him for it, Rajesh continues to be the dutiful son. This is a reality many married women face in India. In that case, you have to understand his true feelings or maybe encourage him to break the patriarchal norms of the family. And for them, you have been giving that zip-lining and bungee jumping holidays a miss. You shouldnt hold any grudges or ghost him he doesnt deserve that. Men are mysterious creatures and mostly they keep things for themselves. Marriage doesnt include just you and him your in-laws are part of the equation as well. It's easy to see how it could seem that way. In most Indian families, especially in joint ones, sons are expected to be there and fulfil every need of their parents, even if it means prioritising them more than their wife. We share subjects that impact your daily life and we primarily discuss and write about all things related to relationships, breakups, mental health, astrology and much more. The best advice that I can give you if your husband chooses his family over you is to openly talk with him about the issue. Why is it that only the mothers in law are the ones who are the most difficult to please? You should never criticize your husband for something hes done. The problem seems to be when your mother-in-law and father-in-law suddenly become intruders. Rather than fighting for my dignity, you will tell me to ignore things or maybe try to justify their toxic behavior towards me. If you do decide to have a conversion with your husband's household or spouse's household, household dinners could be a good setting. You never mentioned that your promise of protecting me comes with *Terms and Condition. And now that hes married, he might have difficulties changing them as he failed to mature enough to do so. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. He feels guilty for not spending enough time with his family. Try to take positive steps through communication and creating boundaries and not keep resenting the fact that he is choosing his family over you. Youll either need to establish dominance in this hierarchy, making it absolutely clear that this awful behavior wont be tolerated, or leave. As such, he needs to understand that compromises need to be made. "I don't hate cats. The biggest mistake that you could make is to involve other people in solving your marriage issues. But if theyre hurting you and making you feel disrespected, then yes this is a big deal indeed. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? The way to approach situations where his parents feel that it is okay to force their views and wishes upon you is to do so tactfully and respectfully. It is fine not to take sides. When youre struggling to come to terms with the signs your husband puts his family first, know that healthy and honest communication is the key to solving any relationship issue. Here youll find some tips that could help you deal with this issue. This is a reality in many homes in India and wives are expected to entertain relatives because the husband is choosing his family over his wife. But what to do if your mother-in-law tags along everywhere? #relationships #relationshiptips #marriage What to Do When Your Husband Chooses His Family over You? If he continues to only support his mother, tell him that its going to be a huge problem in the upcoming future. Get expert help figuring out a plan of action if your husband chooses his family over you. One day he visits the hospital, the other day Maths with a son. They have to make space for them all on their own, and this process can be tougher than it has to be if the upbringing and the family structure of the two are completely different; and if people are not willing to budge or make room. Ask him to ensure that his parents dont overspend a lot, the same way you maintain a strict budget. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. At times, mothers-in-law deliberately start to distance the daughters-in-law, or at times they would taunt or tease, or they would still invite their sons ex-partners to the events. Realize he is their child first and he lived with them much longer than he lived with you. This is the kind of relationship where his mother smothers him with calls and text messages and hes always there to answer them. Here is some expert advice for you. They may say things like Are you okay with this? or Is this what you want? or Do you agree?, Make sure your husband is prepared for this. Related Reading: 5 ways to deal with your husbands parents. But before all of that, you have to give him space and time to initiate the change. On top of that, if your husband accepts he has a problem and hes willing to cooperate, that shows you that youre still his priority. Dont let your emotions govern your actions and dont let them turn into resentment. That way, you give them a little win whilst getting something you do actually like. So it could be an alternative day arrangement. Make him sit down and explain to him that while its wonderful that he feels that his cousin needs him in the hospital and he visits her every day or that hes there for his sister but he could also feel for his son and help him out with Maths. Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! If you talk honestly and openly with your partner and with understanding, hell acknowledge your feelings and reciprocate. News . Their partners rely on them for that. Top My Husband Chooses His Family Over Me Quotes. So what happens when, whether in times of conflict or otherwise, your husband chooses his family over you? I refuse to let people stomp on my dignity and self-respect, while you stand silently. I jumped at the idea of moving in with his family (Mom, Dad, 22 year old brother, and 16 year old . Neither you nor any of his relatives can have an influence on his decisions. You teach them that they are, in fact, NOT the center of the universe and that the best way to live is to be aware of other people's needs. What both partners need to keep in mind is that both of them face such dilemmas while going face-to-face with each others families. And your husband ends up giving more importance to that because that is what he has been used to seeing in his family. Does he take their side or let them disrespect you? Instead, consider it a way of filling up the time when your husband is unavailable to you by surrounding yourself with people you love. Understand husband chooses his family because he doesnt know how not to. If your husband spends time with his parents straight after coming home from work, keeps chatting with them for hours and then heads off to sleep without spending time with you, then its a concern. So, what to do when your husband is too attached to his family? Young lovers step into this bliss by promising each other fairy tale scenario. Does your husband choose his family over you? When children are socialized in India it is drilled into their head that your parents will always be your priority and even now when sons want to have a separate residence after marriage there is severe criticism not only from parents but also relatives and the neighbors who keep saying: there goes the son tied to the wifes pallu. Once your husband receives help for his addiction, he will . And then there are times when men choose to live with their parents even though they have some other options. His daily routine changes and hes confused since his priority list has changed drastically. Create your own boundaries, your husband will start realizing what is possible and what is not possible. When two people tie the knot, no matter how much time they have spent together before, something changes. Privacy Policy . Why is it that only the mothers in law are the ones who are the most difficult to please? You feel betrayed and abandoned by your husband. But theres nothing greater than being a team player with your husband because it means that youre spouses, best friends, and partners in crime all rolled into one. One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. They have more finesse when handling such circumstances because they belong to the same gender, they have more experience while dealing with their own mothers, and then they are more in tune with themselves than the male counterpart. But there is a balance to be struck here. That way, he wont be offended when you bring up the issue. Thats especially the case if theyre pressuring him. After the pheras, a dish of uncooked rice is placed before the newlyweds, and whatever name the husband chooses to write in the rice becomes the new name of his wife. You need to constantly work on your team-playing skills as youre not born with them. Basically, that because theyve all known one another and supported one another for as long as your husband has been alive, they and their views, wants, needs, and preferences need to take precedence over yours. So most often what happens is the husband keeps fulfilling the financial and psychological needs of his family and the wife and his own children are often asked to compromise. He is putting his children first because he has a paternal bond with them that he will never develop with you. Fighting wont resolve the issue at hand, ever! Theres little to zero privacy and your relationship with your husband will be heavily tested because of it. Just know that the more you and your husband can stand up and stand firm, the more his parents will eventually get the message. And youre tired of always doing that because his mom might think you dont know how to cook. Manage Settings And thats a beautiful thing. You are not entirely wrong, if youre convinced, My husband puts his friends and family before me. Tell your husband that you have no issues visiting your in-laws but if it could be made an alternative week affair then as a couple you could have some me-time. Being with such a man is a real struggle. So, my husband chooses his family over me. If you cant make me your priority; then stop expecting me to make you my priority. If you cant stand for her, let her at least stand for herself. Is there anything I can do about it?. It is scientifically proven that men cannot handle stress well and would duck whenever they would have to select between the wife and the mother. Those nights you cancel on me to go get drunk, please think about what is more important. Relationships . We suggest that you learn to pick your battles. And then post marriage, you wonder why your husband chooses his family, again and again,hurting you in the process. I receive a commission if you choose to purchase anything after clicking on them. Have your husbands family members ever disrespected you in front of him and/or your children without your husband saying anything in your defense? 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